Gambit's Brat Pack
by auntie callisto
Summary: Story is set in an alternate X-verse. There is violence and cursing. Pls r/r. Should I continue this? Opinions please!
1.

**__******DISCLAIMER: I don't own the X-men, don't sue. The LeBeau boys are mine, don't steal. Now on to the story...**__**

**_GAMBIT'S BRAT PACK_**

Chapter 1

**Sunday night:**

The X-Man known as Gambit was shocked beyond words. This was the last thing he expected to find upon his return from a long needed weekend away from the team. The Mansion lay in ruins yet again. A decidedly haggard-looking Cyclops sat on the front steps with his head in his lap, murmuring to himself, "It's all over...thank God. It's all over..."

"Mon Dieu," Gambit said, setting his suitcase down, "What de Hell happen here?" Rogue, who had been removing her things from the cab's trunk, stepped up beside him, speechless. 

Scott's head snapped up in sudden rage at the sound of Remy's voice. "What happened?! What HAPPENED!!" he shouted, on the verge of hysterics, "I'll tell you what happened!! This is all YOUR fault, LeBeau!!"

"Calm down, mon ami. It do y' no good t' get so upset, non? Jus' take a deep breath an' tell me what happened." Scott took a few deep breaths to calm down. Wolverine had heard the commotion and came outside to see what was up. He took one look at Remy and a worried look came over his face. He ran away screaming "Not another one! Please, no more!"

**Earlier that weekend (Friday morning to be exact):**

"Gambit!!" Rogue's voice wafted through the halls, her accent thick with anger, "Boy, git yoah scrawny butt raht back heah this instant!" Remy LeBeau literally slid into the kitchen, clad in boxer shorts, with an unbuttoned button-down shirt. Rogue had caught him before he'd finished dressing. He kinda looked liked what's-his-name in that one movie. Being that he was wearing no shoes, his socks propelled him rather quickly across the tiled floor. He suddenly lost his balance, and wound up on his bum before a rather amused audience.

Jubilee tried to stifle a laugh and almost choked on her Sugar O's. Wolverine said nothing, but there was a light in his eyes that said that was the funniest thing he'd seen in a long time. Storm looked away, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Jean covered her mouth, but her giggles escaped anyway. Even Scott Summers cracked a smile.

Gambit didn't mind, he wasn't embarrassed. He was afraid. Of Rogue. He knew he'd pissed her off, and that was never a good thing to do. "Ya gotta hide me, mes amies," he pleaded, "Dat Rogue one crazy woman right now."

Rogue stormed into the kitchen. On her face was the look of a wild woman. Her eyes were green fire. "Weah is he? Which one a y'all's hidin' that no good swamp-rat?" 

"I..*cough*.um--ain't seem 'im" Jubilee stuttered. Rogue eyed the youngster suspisciously, then cast a glance over the other breakfasting X-Men. None of them would say a word, or meet her gaze. "Hmph, Ah'll just fahnd him mahself, and so help me, when Ah do..." her voice drifted off as she made her exit.

Gambit peeked out from under the tablecloth. A sense of relief washed over him, now if he could just finish packing and avoid her until noon... "Oof!" Gambit held his side after Jubilee kicked him in the ribs. "What ya do dat for, petite?" She scowled at him, "Ya didn't hafta pinch my leg like that." He grinned sheepishly, "Sorry, p'tite, t'ought y' was gonna rat me out."

  
  


*************

"So...y' not mad at me, chere?" Gambit asked. She thought about that for a second. "Well...no, but Ah am gonna miss ya while ya're gone." The couple shared a meaningful hug. Remy stroked Rogue's hair, curling her auburn tresses around his finger.

"...Hm, cherie, how fast can ya pack?" Rogue looked up at him. "What?" He smiled at her surprised expression. "If we can get dere in time ta catch m' flight, I just might be able to trade in m' first-class ticket f'r two coach seats. How dat sound to ya?" "Remy, ah 'preciate th' offer, but Ah cain't go with ya. This is s'posta be your weekend away." 

"Chere, ain't nobody else I wanna spend my time wit' den ya." 

"But s'pose they won't trade your ticket?"

"Den we just stay here, in m' room all weeken' an' lock de door."

"Whatevah will we do with all that time on our hands?" she said coyly.

"Oh, I'm sure we t'ink of somet'ing."

**Friday 12:00 P.M.**

"Bye guys, have fun," Jubilee waved goodbye to her two fellow X-Men. They waved back from the cab, as it pulled out of the driveway. She skipped back to the mansion, happy as a clam.

It was about three hours later that another cab pulled up. Jubilee had just settled herself on the couch in the rec room for a twelve-hour South Park marathon. A knock at the door made her miss how Kenny died. "Dammit!" she muttered, hopping up and jogging to the door.

She looked through the peek hole. She didn't see anything. She opened the door and caught just a glimpse of the cab pulling away. The next thing she knew, she was trampled by a handful of rugrats and fell onto her back.

Jubes stared up into a pair of red-on-black eyes. The little boy standing over her was no older than two years. His short, curly hair was the almost white color of blonde that only the very young have. He smiled at her and she couldn't help but feel that "aww" reflex. "Ah'm Jean-Claude, " he said with a thick Cajun accent, "Izth muh daddy here?"

"Um, no. He won't be back til Monday." If Jubes had known what was going to happen, she wouldn't have said a thing. Jean-Claude's lower lip began to tremble. He looked crestfallen. A high pitched keening sound came from deep in his chest, and Jubilee covered her ears from what she knew was coming.

"...Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!!!! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaadeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!!!!!!!!!!"

Jean Claude LeBeau wanted comforting and with an out of control charming power, what little JC wanted, little JC got. Jubilee found herself suddenly on her knees with her arms around the boy. He bawled into the security of her chest. Jubilee's arms had a mind of their own as they stroked his hair and rubbed his back. She spoke softly in French to him. She didn't understand what he was making her say, but it seemed to calm him down. 

When his sobs had slowed to almost nil, she had a chance to look around. There were sounds coming from the kitchen, crashing sounds, like things breaking. She scooped JC up and carried him on her hip towards the kitchen.

Four auburn haired boys, ranging in age from five to eight, were ravaging the kitchen. One of them was standing on the counter, trying to get some plates from the cabinet. Everytime he tried to touch one, though, it charged and he tossed it aside. They were exploding on the floor, making a horrible mess of scorch marks and porcelain.

Another boy, his twin, was pouring a gallon of milk into an eight-ounce cup. He didn't seem to understand that it wouldn't all fit. He scooped the mess up with bare hands and tried to pour it back into the cup. He was muttering something and it sounded to Jubilee like, "Milk...milk...milk...milk!" He finally got frustrated and tossed the cup, milk and all, into the air. It exploded in a rain of white.

Yet another boy, a few years older was standing by the stove. All of the ranges were on and the boy stood, fascinated by what would and what wouldn't melt in the four fires. There was an unhealthy gleam in his eyes as he watched the fires. This one worried Jubilee.

Finally, Jubilee spotted the oldest boy. His shirt seemed awful tight around him, or maybe he was just that pudgey? He noticed Jubilee and went into a sudden rage. "Jaycee!" he yelled. The boy pulled something out from under his shirt and tossed it at Jubilee. She dodged it, and it exploded. Then he lifted his shirt and an entire arsenal of stolen goods fell out. He picked up a fairly expensive looking pen, probably the professor's, and took aim. "Leggo my bru'dah, bitch!" he screeched. The pen sailed through the air, and Jubilee dodged it, but she couldn't dodge the spray of ink. She dropped JC reflexively and examined the damage to her brand new jeans. "Ow! dat hurt, slut!" Jean Claude kicked Jubilee in the shin, "be mo' careful! Ya almos' kill me!" The other boys joined the oldest in a game of target practice, with Jubes being the target. JC continued to kick her shins alternately. She hopped from leg to leg to avoid him, but it was no use.

Jubilee was finally having enough. She had tried to keep calm, and be rational, but having exploding things thrown at you, and being physically attacked can make even the calmest person lose their temper. 

**"KNOCK IT OFF !!!"**

There was a blinding light as her power flared in every direction. When it was over, the only boy not hiding was the pyromaniac. The others were huddled under the table. The pyro stared drop jawed at Jubilee. "Do dat again!" he squealed with delight. He hopped up and down. "Do it again! Do it again!" he giggled. Jubilee also began to giggle, but it was desperate, near-hysterical laughter. This was going to be a long weekend...

  
  



	2. 

Jubilee smiled. She and the boys finally had an understanding. The boys behaved themselves if they got what they wanted. Right now they wanted sugar, gratuitous cursing, and senseless violence. The six of them were settled on the couch watching the rest of the South Park marathon and scarfing down Sour Patch Kids and Twinkies. 

She had trouble at first learning all their names, but it was easier with their nicknames that they called each other. Remy Jr, the oldest boy, (you know, the klepto) was called RJ. The seven year old (the pyro) was Jean-Luc, or JL. The twins who were both five years old were both called JP, but Jubes couldn't tell them apart. She did learn however that Jean-Paul loved milk, and Jean-Pierre had no control whatsoever over his kinetic mutant power. Then of course there was little Jean-Claude, or JC as his brothers called him.

Kenny had just survived a car wreck, only to be set on fire, and then attacked by a wild platypus. It was then that Jean-Pierre announced his need to "go pot-pot" which Jubilee took a wild guess to mean that it was his way of saying "go potty".

He scrambled down the hall and just as Wolverine was about to go into the bathroom, a waist-high blur pushed past him and shut the door. Minutes later a little boy came out. Wolverine frowned. It looked like Remy. Wolverine started to laugh to himself. _Maybe the Cajun shrunk in the wash_, he thought. The boy just looked back at him, raising an eyebrow and slowly backing away.

Jean-Pierre scurried back to the rec room. Wolvie shut the bathroom door and unfolded his paper. He noticed an eerie glow coming from the toilet, but oh well, this was the Mansion, all kinds of weird shit happened every day...

The kids, Jubilee included, were singing along to "Uncle F***er", when suddenly...

**BOOOOOOM!!!**

Seconds later, Wolverine was in the doorway, wet and smelling like...well... shit. He spotted the boys and popped his claws out. He gave a wild cry and came after them. They all somehow managed to duck and dodge and scurry out of harm's way with the speed and agility of toddlers.

Wolverine reached out and grabbed the nearest one, picking the screaming child up by the scruff of his neck. Unfortunately for Wolvie, it was Jean-Luc. The brat bared his teeth at Logan and pulled a lighter out of his pocket. **_Fwoosh!_**__ Wolverine no longer had eyebrows. An unholy screech escaped his lungs and he dropped the little pyromaniac.

Once free, Jean-Luc set the lighter to Wolvie's furred legs, that were bared by his denim shorts. Wolverine ran from the rec room, the stench of burnt hair trailing his exit. Wails of laughter drowned out Wolvie's desperate screeching. Remy Jr. and the twins high-fived Jean-Luc. Jubilee ran after Wolvie to see if he was alright.

Without a warning, Remy Jr.'s eyes widened until they looked like they'd pop out of his head. He sensed something very feminine very nearby. He followed his senses upstairs to the women's dorm. A door was slightly ajar a little ways down the corridor. It was from this room that the feminine presence emanated. Curiosity compelled him to enter this forbidden sanctuary.

It was warm in the room. A thick mist wafted into the room from the bathroom door that was also slightly ajar. Remy Jr. could hear soft humming within. He paused at the door, peeking through the crack. He caught a few quick glimpses of bare flesh before the woman spoke to him.

"I know someone's out there. I can hear you breathing." Remy Jr. realized his breathing was kind of heavy. "Show yourself," the woman demanded. Remy Jr. obliged. He opened the door, and his jaw dropped at the sight of the violet-haired goddess before him. She smiled at the expression on his face. Remy Jr. could feel himself start to smile too. In fact, his face began to hurt, he was smiling so hard. A small trickle of blood ran from his nose. " T-t-t...Tittie Boobie! Tittie Boobie! Tittie Boobie!" he laughed hysterically. "And Bouncie Bouncie!!" Jean-Claude added from behind him. (1)

The twins and Jean-Luc had also shown up by now. "Milk! Milk!" Jean Paul exclaimed, pointing at her ample breasts. Psylocke was seriously freaked. _These kids have major problems_, she thought. (2)

"Get out of here, all of you. You little perverts!" she yelled. The boys left, reluctantly. They went back to the end of the hall and sat atop the stairway.

"Wha' we gon' do now?" Jean-Luc asked. "Ah dunno," Remy Jr. shrugged. "Dere gotta be somet'ing we c'n do f'r fun 'round here." 

Just then, the boys' next and very unsuspecting victim came through the front door...

End of chapter 2

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Author's Notes:

1-- Anyone get the reference to Kocho?

2-- I never said Remy's sons were sane...


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